i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
