Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
