u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
