There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
