I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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