You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
