what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
