I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
