the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
