she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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