so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
