I think i peed on brittanys purse
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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