as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
