You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
