I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
