It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
