Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Still dying that you shit outside
The feeling are messing with the penis
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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