There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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