last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
