He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
