Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
