the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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