Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
