I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
