she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
