Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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