Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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