Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
