So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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