Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
