If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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