Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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