every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
