Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just high enough for therapy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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