I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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