Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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