I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
