i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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