i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
