Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
