I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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