2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
