my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
