Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
