Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
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