He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
