R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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