covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hippo gnu deer
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
