Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
