We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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