i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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