I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
