sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
