We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
