i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
