come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
