i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
