I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
