textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
