I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
