you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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